So, too often people walk into a "relationships" without understanding the mental regulated "pamphlet" an individual comes with.
Some people are ready for sex but not marriage, some people are ready for a wedding but not marriage, some people are ready to "Chill" but not date, Some people are ready to date but not marry. I can go on for days with the many plausible scenarios that are possible.
My point is what do you want, Now this is for grown folks. WHAT DO YOU WANT? Now while I'm throwing that at you let me also ask WHAT DO YOU NEED??
Ask your self these questions before you consider dating because if you don't assertively know, you will end up like the horse who is seeking after the dangling carrot strung up on a stick right before his face...
1.One of the main questions that many people call TABOO to ask on the first date is the big Religious/Belief system question. It IS VITAL that you and your potential spouse are on one accord in regards to belief. Each belief from Christianity to atheism has its own standards of living so if you are a Christian for example who falls in love with an atheist, Your faith will be compromised and if you end up married ,with child you must remember that your spouse will want to give suggestions in raising your children.
That type of Yoke is unequal and can stir strife before you even become comfortable.
2. It's important to look at the heart of the individual. Are they infatuated by your ever fading looks? Are they lusting after you? You can tell by how attentive they listen when you speak. When a person is truly in love with you they value what you say because they want to hear your heart speak. They will be pride-less when speaking and responding. They will understand that you are not their opponent. They will consider your feelings and avoid hurting you at all cost.
3. Beware of a person who starts acting "Brand New" after the "interview stage" of the relationship. I'm not talking about getting comfortable, I'm talking about literally "Who ARE YOU!" ... At that point they are showing their true self and no YOU can't change them. They have already got where they wanted to with you. These types of people are manipulative . They usually fake it until they make it in any situation. SO RUUUNNN!
4. Ask them about their family environment and childhood. Look at them while they speak, See what type of emotions come with the words they speak during the reminiscing. Sometimes people carry hatred or pain towards their parents over into their relationship, For example if a man hates or is annoyed by his Mother he may take that out on you. I have experienced this first hand and the sad thing is my ex didn't know what he was doing. This goes both ways because if your mate is overly attached to their family consider the possibility of your mates family being heavily involved in your life. Some people are ok with an involved family, some are not. In addition some family members aren't ok with you taking their sibling or "child" away. You can overcome those issues is your mate is willing to side with you, if by all means you are being sensible and fair also.
5. SNOOP, Yep I condone it SNOOP AWAY, Check their Fb, IG, Twitter or general social media. Check to see if they air out their dirty laundry all over social media. If they do prepare to be atleast one status update!!!. People who often put their business out their or anyones business who pisses them off have emotional stability problems . They also careless about privacy and being discreet. That type of person is a drama Bomb! Check how often they are in relationships, Fb keeps track of that type of thing. See how many people they are talking to. No one buys a car they know nothing about! Well your life mate is much more valuable than a car so check em' out!
6. Before you say yes to a relationship and if you have access, MEET their family. You want to know what you are getting yourself into, you want to know how they act around their family too. When people are around their family Members they usually act "real". It can be either great and exciting or devastating and brand new... If it is a "brand new" scenario refer back to number 3!
7. Figure out how the person perceives money and finances. Do they love money? Are they ok on a budget? Do they prefer higher end things? You can figure this out quickly if you ask them about their hobbies. Ex: If they say they like to Travel the world, They like scuba diving, They like shopping on Saks, They like cruises etc etc that will give you an Idea of what type of life they live!! Right.. Or Ex#2: If They say like hanging out at home , They like the movies, They like hanging out at parks and They like back yard bar-b-ques etc etc you can grasp an idea of what type of person they are. Neither person in the examples are bad and I'm not implying that the separate examples can't fall in love , I'm only displaying these examples so You can be prepared for what is to come in your dating venture.
8. Learn how to except a person who was raised differently than you. You can't expect your mate to act like the household you were raised in and Visa Versa. What you both are looking for is valuable compromise . If he isn't as clean as you can you live with that? If she doesn't cook like ya Momma can you get past that?? Find out these small details and see if compromises can be made. Compromise is one of the ultimate acts of Love. (Two hands from some place on earth coming together as one)
9.What do you have in common? make sure you have some stuff in common. Or refer back to #8
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10. Communicate your wants and needs properly and BE FAIR!!. Never leave any doors open for speculation and assumption. Talk , talk TALK. how else will you know how things are truly?? Never stop communicating or else you will become strangers and that "once" deep connection will end looking like a book you read in elementary that you hardly remember... Communicate!!!
Never Give up on Love.
Enjoy Melanie xo~